December 01, 2009

The Impossible

Recently I listened to a sermon by our former pastor and good friend, Robert Woodyard. It was about how God puts us in impossible situations so that He will be known and we will see our complete dependence on Him.

In May when our doctor gave us Anne Marie's diagnosis of congenital diaphragmatic hernia, he told us there was a 50 percent mortality rate. I knew what the statistics were, yet I never saw this as an impossible situation. I knew without a doubt that God could heal her. God, the Creator of the universe, who created everything ex nihilo, could cause Anne Marie's lungs to grow and work if, in His providence, He chose to do so. This was not an impossible situation for God. Not even close. And although God's providential plan wasn't what I had hoped it would be, I still know without a doubt that God could have healed her if he had chosen to do so. Impossible never crossed my mind.

It is only now that I am faced with a seemingly impossible situation. It seems impossible that the crushing sadness I am feeling will ever go away. It seems impossible that this ache that is so deep that it sometimes literally takes my breath away will ever be gone. I know that nothing is impossible with God, and yet I feel these empty arms and I miss Anne Marie so much that it seems impossible that God could heal such a heartache.

But then I recall the extraordinary things God has done for us already. The 37 amazing days we had with our girl. The grace and mercy He poured out on us daily. The many answered prayers and the many "impossible situations" made possible. I know the promises of God and I know that healing this heartache is not impossible for Him. I know that God is my refuge and my strength (Psalm 46:1) and that He is the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). I know that the Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving towards all he has made and that He is near to all who call on Him (Psalm 145:17-18). And I remind myself again that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

I have seen God do things doctors and others thought were impossible. I have seen many extraordinary things done, not only in Anne Marie, but in me and in others. In his sermon, Pastor Woodyard also said that faith grows in the darkest soil. My soil is dark right now, the darkest I have known. So once again, I wait for God to do something extraordinary. For God to use this dark soil and redeem this heartache and to give me beauty for ashes. And again I ask Him to help me trust him and to believe with my heart what my eyes cannot see.