Remembering

I felt it as soon as I walked out the door early this morning. Fall -- with its cool air and familiar smell. Fall has always been my favorite season, but now along with it being my favorite, it's also the hardest. The memories are always with me, but they hit full force when I feel the familiar cool air and smell the outdoor air as the season changes.

It was four years ago today that Brandon and I loaded our car and moved to Dallas. Our journey with Anne Marie had started months before, but the day we moved and the weeks that followed will always seem like our main time with her. I still have so many memories of this day four years ago. Seeing Anne Marie's face on the ultrasound screen, hurrying to make arrangements to leave sooner than expected, calling my dad and saying we were having to go sooner and could he come stay with the kids (yes, of course he could come), my friend Carol sending us off with a box of Panera bagels and cream cheese (those bagels would be our food staple for several days), saying goodbye to Lincoln, and telling Lillie, Mary Margaret, and Jack Henry that we'd see them soon when they came to join us a few days later.

I sometimes wonder if I will always feel this way. If the beginning of fall will cause the memories to rush in and the tears to come more frequently. And honestly, I hope so. Because as much as remembering hurts, I also don't ever want to forget any of the details of Anne Marie's short life here with us.

I'm missing you tonight, sweet girl, and remembering how much joy you brought us.  My days are busy with school, your brothers and sisters, and keeping things running at home, but I'm never so busy that I don't remember you and how much we love you!